On My Way To Recovery

I made this post 2 years ago after a break up. Ending a relationship is hard. It’s more difficult if you’re the recipient of the dreaded words, “Let’s end this.” Trust me, I know.

Posted Sunday, March 19th, 2006 @mag-mag08.blog.friendster.com

Ang hirap palang maging broken hearted.

broken heart

Kahit pala hinihintay ko ng makipaghiwalay yung boyfriend ko sa ‘kin, kahit pala hinanda ko na ang sarili ko sa panahong ‘yon, masakit parin pala kapag dumating na…

Yes, I was waiting for it because the relationship is not doing us any good but I can’t bring myself to end the relationship.

Pero noong dumating yung time na yun may tama parin pala.
Masakit parin pala.
Mararamdaman ko parin pala.

He didn’t give me any explanation why he wanted to break up. I felt like I was left hanging. There’s no closure.

It has been 4 days since we broke up. I need to move on fast. Our summer class would commence in two weeks and we’re in one class. If worse comes to worst, we’ll be in the same group for our hospital duty. I have to appear strong and unaffected.

I’d be honest, for the first two days wala akong ginawa kundi umiyak.

Masakit sa pakiramdam.
Mabigat sa dibdib ang naipong sama ng loob.

The realization also came that through the duration of the relationship, I felt as if he just used me–for his personal academic gain.

Masakit ang mamulat sa katotohan na ginamit ka lang… Na inisahan ka lang.

If someone asks me if I’m okay, I’ll say yes.

Nakakangiti ako.
Nakikipagbiruan.
Parang bumabalik na ako sa dating ako.

But I know deep inside me, I’m not okay.

The pain is still there. Naalala ko parin siya.
Bago ako matulog. Sa panaginip ko. Sa pag-gising ko.

I know I can’t be like this forever.

I have to move on. And hopefully, I can.

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