Hey, guys! Time flies so fast. The year is halfway over and it’s already August!
The first half of the year didn’t turn out as awesome as I want it to be. I’m down the rabbit hole for some time now. It had been going on for so long, I know I have to stop mopping around and clear the cobwebs in my head and feel more positive. I’m trying to get out of that funk. I have to take action and stop letting the funk I’m in get the better of me 1. It’s time to move on.
One of the little steps I’m doing is getting back to the things that make me happy. Reading and watching films/dramas were only a past time before but when I decided to do reviews and seriously maintain a blog, it become a chore. It wasn’t at first, but as the years go by and I feel like I have to do this and that, the toll of trying to keep up with everything wore me out. It came to a point that I’m dragging myself to read this and watch that because I need a new post on my blog or it’s my book club’s book of the month. It wasn’t fun anymore. Maybe I was too hard on myself or the added stress it gave me, on top of the gazillion stress my job is giving me, made it less enjoyable. That is why it wasn’t a shock that I lost the drive to do any of it and in turn it didn’t only affect my disposition but my social life as well.
I became a hermit. I said last April that I was back but in reality, I’m not. I still don’t like going out, I don’t like to read, I don’t like to write, I don’t like to watch, I don’t want to tweet, I’d rather go straight home, watch TV, sleep, or play games. It’s less stressful. It’s less sociable. It’s less effort. But I know this is just a scapegoat of a bigger problem I don’t want to face. In between the two, letting go of little things is easier than facing the bigger issue.
I know now that my refusal of seeing the reality of where I am was a big mistake. If I didn’t drag it for so long, I wouldn’t be in this hole. It wouldn’t affect other aspects of my life. I was stupid. I was no longer happy but I’m too stubborn to accept that. I was so afraid of letting go of that invisible security blanket, I turned a blind eye. I didn’t face it sooner. If it wasn’t for the reality that I may lose it whether I like it or not, I wouldn’t wake up. I wouldn’t decide to take action. To look for better opportunities. To change.
I can’t blame anyone but myself. I wasn’t performing well because I don’t have the drive anymore, so everything else in my life was affected. I know it isn’t too late to change that but even if I pull all my stats up (which I will), it will never be enough. I have to let go of this. I have to say goodbye. But it isn’t the time yet, soon I will.
This is my first step. The acceptance of the things that I’d been denying for so long is a good start. Facing what makes me feel this way and realizing that I have to do something about it is a big step. I’m not even halfway of getting better. It’s just the beginning. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. And I hope that I get out of this the soonest possible time. Help me, friends. And pray for me.
Note: I really wanted to follow the usual format of WUF but I don’t want to jinx it. I know I have the habit of dropping things I plan to watch and read so this time, I wouldn’t plan it all. I have a few things lined up, it isn’t much as what I usually have before but again, it’s a good start I’m slowly going back to it. So yes, I’m reading and watching things again and I have a couple of review drafts. I’ll be visible this time around. I wouldn’t run anymore. And with that, see you friends! And welcome me back! Mwuah!
PS: I can’t help it.
1 Ten Healing Actions to Help Get Yourself out of a Funk by Phylameana Iila Desy of healing.about.com