One thing I don’t like about myself is how I get emotionally affected of things I can’t control. It’s a flaw that would drive you nuts when you’re obsessive-compulsive. I’m on the extremes. I tend to be so unaffected of issues at times but when I do, especially if I know I’m directly involved in it, I can’t let it go in a snap of a finger. I know myself. I have to talk it out, relentlessly if needed, until I feel I’ve said everything I wanted to say. I talk to my friends about it and they’d listen even if I’m saying the same things over and over again because they know that after that talkathon segment I’d be back to my normal self.
But having a pattern doesn’t mean I have to like it. I wish I could be someone who could just shrug it off without giving it much thought. Let it go without analyzing every angle of the issue, of what went wrong and what kind of BS the other party is trying to pull of. My life would have been simpler if I won’t let conflict affect me. Even if I wanted that, I know I can’t always be that way. I’m a girl after all. I’m not tough all the time. I have emotions. And I have hormones to blame whenever I feel like going crazy over the simplest of things.
I realized that the meanest of people aren’t those you’ve met in real life but those who hide over the internet. Don’t get me wrong, I was never cyber-bullied and I don’t want to experience that. I know how I can be harsh on my reviews at times but I always try not to directly attack the author or the writer/director of a book I read or a show I’ve seen because I am aware that there is a fine line between a constructive criticism to a nothing but a derisive remark. I learned that there are really those individuals who can be mean to people they don’t know just because they can and it will make you question what kind of life this people have to make them like that. It wasn’t a nice feeling when someone you don’t know and who doesn’t know anything about you say hurtful words that everyone who has access on the internet can read and comment on.
Another thing is loyalty over the internet is atypical. Even if you’ve established a solid readership or follower, one or two would eventually leave for reasons you can’t control and you can’t blame them. Loyalty comes if you spend time with people you only talk to online on a regular basis outside of the program or social media where you’ve met or when you start sharing tidbits about yourself that only people you consider friends know. It’s also difficult when you share a part of yourself to help someone or to build something because you want to, not because you have to, and feel like its going nowhere because you don’t know if people appreciate it or if an opportunity comes they couldn’t say no to, they’d turn their backs on you. It’s so hard to be invested in something. So if you find loyalty online, keep it. As I said, it’s rare.
I always learn my lessons the hard way. Growing up, I learned how to compartmentalized things. Setting aside battles I should fight from issues that are not important. I could easily adapt to changes in a real setting. This time I have to cope and extend that over the cyber world. I learned that I can’t control what people wanted to say or how they should behave online but I CAN control how I react to them. I’m sure I’d still bitch about it a few times just to let my emotions out but if I know I can close my eyes and shrug it off, I would. I haven’t met them in real life. Whatever they say online will not reflect in my CV. There is zero chance I’ll meet them all because they cannot even show their real identities online. Yes, it’ll annoy you on your best day but they won’t affect you unless you let them. Mean people will always be mean. Disloyal people will always be like that. It’s one of those things I’ll charge to experience and will serve as a reminder that I can always choose my battles. And I choose to let this one go.
One of my online friends said, #spreadthelove. I’m choosing to do that.
PS. Sometimes it’s difficult playing a game with only boys in it. They treat you as one of the boys and then forgets that you don’t have balls. A person can only take too much teasing. I get pissed. And when I do, I might make a harsh decision and quit. Learn to be sensitive. I tease people but I do know how to gauge their reactions. You boys don’t. It’s not everyday I’m in a good mood. Hormones guys, in case you aren’t aware, can be a bitch most of the time.
I am so tempted to say this:
But I’ll try to be a big girl and settle with this:
Miss A. Talks (12)
Rave and rants of everything under the sun.