I was strolling along Session Road looking around wondering what I was doing there when in 36 hours the year is changing to 2015. I should be with my family but I decided to be alone. Sounds crazy, right? Who in their right minds would want to be lonely on a very family-oriented-festive event? But then I thought of the reason why I want to go far away and it suddenly felt alright. I need to clear my head.
My heart needs to rest.
I was trying to write this piece before I left Manila so that I can schedule the posting on January 1st like what I always do on my year end post but whenever I try to I always stop writing. The words wouldn’t come and I feel like whatever I write before the vacation is not really what I feel. I was still confused. And what I’m going to write is not the truth.
I wasn’t entirely alone during this trip. I had friends with me but they have to go home before the 31st to be with their families. I was left to fend for myself for a few days until January 2nd. I don’t even know how I am going to spend the New Year’s Eve. I decided to go on this trip without any plans. I did plan where I wanted to stay but aside from that I don’t know what I’m going to do in 5 days. I just thought of letting my feet lead me to wherever it will go and seize what opportunity that will come my way. I like to make plans but this trip taught me that sometimes it’s okay not to plan. There are instances that you have to let fate and faith do their work.
You can’t move on without making decisions. At one point all I wanted to do is go with the flow. After making a big decision a month before the year ended, I kind of felt afraid to do a step. I was tired of the entire situation. I wanted to pretend it doesn’t exist. But purposely forgetting the issue would not make it go away. I know I have to face it. The opportunity came one night when I had another phone call from him. I hope that conversation is the last of its kind.
Life is full of surprises. I’m very thankful to Angus and his best friend since second grade, Joanne and her husband Oliver, for letting me stay in their home. I originally planned to just find a transient house where I can stay but Angus was very kind to offer his friend’s place (yes, he was the one who offered without telling Joanne first, that’s how close they are, haha). Angus has to leave for Tarlac on the 30th. Joanne offered her place until I leave on January 2nd and I really appreciate it but to my surprise one of my high school barkada contacted me in Facebook and invited me to stay at their place after seeing my most recent dramatic status update. I haven’t seen Quiming for years. I can’t even remember how long. Seeing her is an attestation that true friends, no matter how long you haven’t seen nor talked to each other, will be there as if time didn’t pass.
You can be happy alone. Happiness shouldn’t be dependent to someone else. It can be found on your own. I thought that spending the holidays without your loved ones is going to be hard. It’s not. No matter whom you spend it with; happiness will come from your heart. The people with you are just a bonus.
Your heart will start beating again, in time. Time heals all wounds. So is your tired heart. It only needs to rest but in the right time it will feel all the emotions you have lost.
One step at a time. Just like what Jordin Sparks said, “One step at a time, there’s no need to rush. It’s like learning to fly or falling in love. It’s gonna happen when it’s supposed to happen and you find the reasons why one step at a time.” Should I explain more?
Wanderlust. I never thought travelling is in me. I like to eat, that’s a fact. It’s mainly the reason why I travel before. But when uncertainties cloud your thoughts, the urge of travelling is so strong for you to find what you are missing.
I’m excited where my feet are going to bring me. It doesn’t have to be grand. The thought of going to places I have or haven’t been to rediscover or discover things I haven’t seen yet are adventures I won’t say no to. I can go alone but I’m not closing my doors to kaladkarin friends who want to explore, discover and find a new adventure. Let’s pack those bags and hit the road!
P.S. I can’t think of a title that’ll fit this post. At the last minute I was so tempted to use “Untitled” when I remembered how I spent most of my days in Baguio last week; either I’m in a café or I’m walking around aimlessly with a cup coffee to go.
P.S.S. Where do broken hearts go? Sa Baguio. Bakit ba ang hilig hilig niyong hanapin ang sarili niyo sa Baguio? Kasi tahimik at malamig. Nakakalamig ng puso at isip. Para pagbalik mo sa real world, cold bitch ka na. (Joke lang.) Next stop? Sagada. (Pero pwede ding hindi.)